tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54709599026286131062024-03-19T21:26:42.066-07:00What can I learn from yoga...that I can't learn from real life.
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(Part of <a href="http://www.theyearoftheblog.com">The Year of the Blog</a> project)Dru Johnstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06898973113892789259noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5470959902628613106.post-21816721747406566422009-05-04T13:00:00.000-07:002009-05-04T13:00:00.093-07:00A workout? Really?A "workout" is a run that's over three miles. A "workout" is bench pressing your weight and then talking about it to the other guys in the gym while you drink water from the fountain and towel off your face. A "workout" is playing a full 48 minute game on the basketball court.<br /><br />When engaging in a "workout" you should never hear the following words out loud:<br /><ul><br /><li>Peacock Pose</li><br /><li>Dolphin Plank Pose</li><br /><li>Firefly Pose</li><br /><li>Cow Face Pose</li><br /><li>Lotus Pose</li><br /><li>Feathered Peacock Pose</li><br /><li>______ Pose (unless you see Arnold Schwarzenegger in the gym and you command him to pose by saying "Arnold Schwarzenegger Pose!")</li><br /></ul><br />"Crane" was not included in this list because I think Karate is badass.Dru Johnstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06898973113892789259noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5470959902628613106.post-6905202072635059892009-05-04T11:00:00.000-07:002009-05-04T11:00:00.634-07:00Only beautiful if you haven't seen The Karate Kid...<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgahBY1_wGY3WFg9XjmU0UBO9lRDASqvQNjikf2-aTGkjowFpUTcXBHRbnr_CiKYjI0hVspUoDmTfpGrn2ju9-vmohpOhoKqR9e3uyqO0GtSZQJZA_zERWweR2_lR2PXxAndlxFiGs_Q3s/s1600-h/yogabackground.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 198px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgahBY1_wGY3WFg9XjmU0UBO9lRDASqvQNjikf2-aTGkjowFpUTcXBHRbnr_CiKYjI0hVspUoDmTfpGrn2ju9-vmohpOhoKqR9e3uyqO0GtSZQJZA_zERWweR2_lR2PXxAndlxFiGs_Q3s/s320/yogabackground.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5331863077672919570" /></a><br /><br />This is a beautiful scene... except I saw it when I was a kid in my living room watching the Karate Kid and eating cheetos.Dru Johnstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06898973113892789259noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5470959902628613106.post-88533336929691331652009-05-04T08:00:00.000-07:002009-05-04T08:00:01.392-07:00If I have to hear about bikram yoga one more time...What does Bikram yoga teach you that you can't learn from reading Dante's Inferno?<br /><br />This is part of wikipedia's definition of Bikram Yoga: <br /><br /><blockquote>"Bikram Yoga is ideally practiced in a room heated to 105°F (40.5°C) with a humidity of 40%. Classes are guided by specific dialogue including 26 postures and two breathing exercises. Classes last approximately 90 minutes."</blockquote><br /><br />Who willingly puts themselves through that?! Why do people do that and then talk about how great they feel. I guess if I walked into hell, only heard 26 things, and 90 minutes later walked out, I'd feel pretty damn good too. But you know what? I'd never go back. If I ate at a restaurant that gave me explosive diarrhea but after I got it all out I felt better than when I was curled up in a ball of pain and anxiety, I WOULD NOT GO BACK! There are already numerous Indian restaurants on 6th street in the Lower East Side that hold that honor...<br /><br />But I digress.<br /><br />Bikram Yoga is essentially moving to Atlanta, GA in the middle of a heat wave in the summer and deciding that for 90 minutes I'd make my body look like a pregnant calf outside on the sidewalk.Dru Johnstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06898973113892789259noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5470959902628613106.post-64565971773636575662009-05-03T23:48:00.001-07:002009-05-03T23:54:45.700-07:00The title says it allWhat can I learn from Yoga that I can't learn from real life? No, seriously, this is a serious question... what am I ever possibly going to learn while sweating profusely all over my mat while some dude at the front of the class tells me that I'm a sleeping dog. <br /><br />I'm educated. I'm an educated person. I like to read, I like to follow the news, I like to make literary allusions and explain things to people with metaphors. But what I don't like to do is feel horribly uncomfortable and dehydrated, and then listen to other people after a good yoga "workout" (we'll address this later) talk about how it's changed their lives and they now understand relaxation.<br /><br />Hey man, I fucking <span style="font-style:italic;">invented</span> relaxation. <span style="font-style:italic;">And</span> I hate to admit it but sometimes I like to listen to Jimmy Buffet while drinking a margarita. If that's not relaxation, than what is?<br /><br />So I beg the question, and will try to answer it with this blog... what can I learn from yoga that I can't learn from real life? I'm open to any possible answers that I will then shoot down.Dru Johnstonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06898973113892789259noreply@blogger.com0